I have spent my entire life doing the work of three men.  Larry, Moe & Curley.

I finally figured out how to use this stupid thing again!  Suppose I'll have to think of something to write.

I have been informed by Mr. GoDaddy that I have not made an entry in 270 days.  I think it was very considerate of him.  I wonder if he understands how little I care.

I am so old I can remember elevator operators.  Every building had at least one or two.  There was always a little stool so they could rest their legs, but too small to sit on for very long without hurting their butts.  That was how the boss knew you weren't taking it easy.  The operators job was to pull a metal grate closed in front of the door, and them take hold of a big brass handle and move it left or right, depending on which floor you wanted.  The elevators didn't have a solid door, so youcould see the floors go by.   It usually took two or three bounces up and down before the elevator was even with the floor.  Then they would open the gate and turn you loose to spend your money.  Mom always shopped at Loeb's department store, and they installed the first escalator I ever incountered.  I was just a yonker, and the first time we used it, it scared the crap out of me.  After we used it once, mom couldn't keep off the damn thing.  Loeb's also had a pneumatic system.  So when you paid for something the clerk would put your money and the receipt into the container and sent it upstairs to the cashier.  Then they would send your change back down.

When I was in grade school, I had to wear boots to school on rainy or snowy days.   Mom was convinced that if I got my feet cold and wet I would catch a cold.  Then of course, it would turn into pneumonia, and the funeral would be three days later.  I got a new pair of 4 Buckle Arctics every winter.  They were made of rubber, so you could never get them on over your shoes without pulling so hard you got a hernia, then you had to jump up and down to get your feet completely in.  When you took them off, your shoes always came off with them, so you had to dig them out.  They obviously had four buckles on each boot.  On one side there were flat pieces that had slots in them, and on the other side were flat hooks that went through the slots and bent over to close the boots.  I never made it through a winter without breaking off at least two or three of the buckles.  If you were really cool, you left them unhooked.  Then if you were really unlucky, the hooks on one boot would catch the slots on the other, and you would fall on your face in the snow.  (I have to say that while the boots were horrible, some of the kids had to wear ones that just slipped over their feet, and were called "rubbers".  That was always funny as hell when you were in the third grade.)

Women will never achieve true equality with men until they can appreciate the hilarity of a good load beer fart.

When I think of how really stupid the average American is, it scares me that half of the population is dumber than that.  What really scares the crap out of me is that they are allowed to vote.

I have been noticing all the people my age who are dropping dead.  I know they have to have been in better shape than me.  I guess I'll live until God in all his infinite wisdom, gets tired of seeing me suffer.  I sure must have done something to really piss him off.

I just realized I've never been this old before.  Wait, now I'm older.  Wait, now I'm even older, and I've never been this old before.  Wait, now I'm even older, and I've...etc.